Secrets can be tempting or terrifying. They can be yours to keep or to share. Since Greek mythology, opening Pandora’s Box and discovering the unknown has been an enduring human temptation. Secrets convey their own sense of mystery, but what are the secrets we keep in relationships? The latest EliteSingles survey revealed some unexpected truths. We share 12 real relationship secrets and expose the truth about relationship secrets.
Secrets have, perhaps unfairly, a bad reputation. Yes, some secrets are undoubtedly hard-to-tell truths. However, by surveying over 2,400 EliteSingles members, we found that the secrets people keep in relationships can also be a charming collection of relatable anecdotes, and that perhaps the little secrets we keep are actually a personal way of loving. to your couple.
With websites like postsecret.com and the Whisper app allowing people to anonymously post their secrets online, secrets have come into the spotlight in recent years. The insatiable curiosity to know the truths that others want to hide is evident. But would you want to know what your partner keeps secret? Have you ever wondered what secrets they have or how they would feel if they knew your secrets? Our survey revealed an interesting truth, although honesty is highly valued; there can be a healthy space for keeping secrets in a relationship.
The good news is that honesty hasn’t gone out of style yet. It is still appreciated in relationships, with 92% of men and women rating honesty as important to a happy relationship. However, the majority of survey participants (58%) believe that secrets in the relationship depend on what the secret is, as some realities are best avoided. Similarly, 46% agree that white lies are sometimes necessary for a relationship. This is echoed in a split down the middle, with 47% of participants believing some topics are private, while the other 53% say they share everything with their partner. These results establish that honesty and secrecy are not really at odds with each other. Your partner can be honest with you, even if they have a secret. flirtwith.com
Digging a little deeper into the secrets people keep, certain themes came to the fore. Details about your ex (33%) and sexual history (28%) are the most common topics people avoid sharing in a relationship. And when it comes to friends, it’s widely understood that people don’t share their friends’ secrets with their partner, with 47% agreeing that it’s okay to keep their friends’ secrets in a relationship. However, secrets can also be a valuable tool for fostering closeness in relationships, with 34% of men and women believing that sharing secrets with their partner is part of intimacy in a relationship.
The truth about how people perceive secrets brings to light, perhaps not so surprisingly, that there is a place for secrets in a relationship. Two-thirds of participants (66%) said they would be okay if their partner had kept a secret from them, saying they would understand there was a good reason for doing so. And another 62% agreed that they would not break up with their partner if they found out that they had kept a big secret in the relationship.
The truth about keeping secrets in a relationship is also tied to trust. It is widely accepted that sometimes we need to keep secrets. If you trust your partner, you can also trust that the secrets they keep from you are sometimes what’s best for both of you. That said, 75% of people don’t keep secrets in their relationship, but a quarter (25%) said they do. They shared some of their secrets with us below. Taking a closer look at some real relationship secrets, it’s easy to see that sometimes these truths might be exactly the kind of secret you’d want your partner to keep.
Studying numerous real relationship secrets revealed the intimate nature of keeping secrets in a relationship. It turns out that the very truths that people keep secret emerge in moments big and small, monumental and mundane.
In the slideshow below, we share 12 secrets people told us about real relationships. They answer a host of familiar questions, from the dreaded “Do these pants make my butt look big?” to “Are my secrets safe with my best friend?” Read on below. flirtwith
Life lessons: learning from the secrets we keep
It turns out that keeping secrets can teach you important life lessons and improve your relationships, now or in the future. Let’s take a look at some real relationship lessons from the survey and the consistent themes people learned from keeping or sharing their secrets.
“I have kept secrets about money and I have learned that I will never again hide something so essential from a partner”
People constantly admitted that they had learned lessons by keeping secrets about money and finances in a relationship. Zoe Coetzee, internal relationship psychologist at EliteSingles, explains that money can be a form of security, and not revealing the full truth with your partner about a financial problem can be a cause of friction, as it can undermine security in the relationship. . she goes on to say
This is not to say that one should not be financially independent in a relationship, however, you should share information that can have a significant impact on your life and that of your partner.
Money and finances are touchy topics in relationships, and more often than not, it’s best for both of you to be open and honest in such a key area, especially when you live together.
“I have made the mistake in the past of not saying what is on my mind and then forming my opinions based on incorrect perceptions. I don’t do that anymore”
Sometimes in a relationship, people don’t feel safe sharing their own views and perceptions. However, several participants revealed that keeping their thoughts to themselves had been detrimental to their long-term relationships. Coetzee explains:
Not sharing your true opinions, thoughts, and feelings is actually the same as not sharing your true self in a relationship. However, real compatibility only comes from sharing real thoughts and feelings. As a result, not being open with your partner, even about challenging topics, can hinder rather than help your relationship.
In a relationship, you should feel comfortable expressing your opinions. Your point of view is valid and relevant. If you don’t feel comfortable communicating openly, look for ways to improve communication patterns. However, if you still feel like you can’t be yourself, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.
“I keep secret everything that can hurt him and that does not necessarily help the relationship”
When it comes to keeping secrets, it can be helpful to discuss your reason for keeping the secret or decide to tell your partner. Would it be beneficial for your relationship to share it with your partner? If the secret you’re keeping isn’t relevant to your current relationship, it might be preferable to keep your lips sealed. That’s not to say that dishonesty is acceptable or that you should keep relevant information secret from your partner. However, details about the past can be more painful than helpful.
Sometimes in a relationship it is unnecessary to expose your partner to a hurtful truth. As one of the participants said, needless to say, those aren’t the most flattering jeans! But if you have a secret to share, the most popular way to tell your partner a secret is to tell them gently, with a warning in advance that you need to tell them something (52%). Not far behind, 44% of participants agreed that it should be direct and candid. When deciding how to handle secrets in a relationship, advises Coetzee.